So...we're getting ready for church this morning. Spencer and Kirby usually take a book with them to church, sometimes to read during the service, sometimes not. Anyway, this morning, my seven-year-old comes to me, clutching my copy of Tolkien's "The Hobbit" in his hand.

I was aghast. I mean, he's seven. I asked him if he really wanted to take that book. He said yes. I told him he may not understand it. He was OK with it and off to church we went.

I think he might have only gotten to the second page, and I don't think he comprehended much. But still!! He wants to read Tolkien! He is my child!

Anyway, guess what book we've started reading aloud tonight?

For years, I have always thought I was "strong."

Because I argued, I spoke my mind, and I didn't put up with people's crap. I didn't bend, or break, or beg, or grovel. And for that, I was tough. I was strong.

So - why does my husband have the upper hand in our relationship?

He controls the sex, the money, the parenting, the stamp of approval...and I have CONSCIOUSLY given over control in only ONE of those above areas.

You all would never know this if you saw the guy walking down the street. You might think he was the softest-spoken, most easy-going guy ever. You might even think of the word 'gullible.' I'd use the word 'malleable.' Easily distracted, shaped, molded, and pushed over. Until recently, I thought so too. Until recently, I thought I was the strong one, the one who got my way all the time, the 'willow in the storm'.

1. So why do we have sex so little? It only seems to be when he's in the mood or not tired or whatever. Also, I know we will never persue those kinky avenues of sex, because he doesn't want to (I wouldn't mind). The few times we've discussed fantasies, mine are too weird (he never says that, but the vibe is there). And so, that sexually adventurous part of my personality has been repressed over the years. These days, I'm embarrassed if he sees me without my clothes.

2. This is the one I've let go a bit. He does the business with our financial guy and sets up portfolios and college funds. He sits down to write out the bills. I really only care about the amount in the checkbook.

3. I will admit to you all right now...I am not the most patient and nurturing of parental figures. Brent has upbraided me (once, maybe twice in our marriage) about not being a good mom. Of course, you must understand his way...he does not verbally abuse me or shout at me. It is all in that quiet, wounded way that seems so innocent (Heather, it just seems you don't want to spend time with your children...).

4. I cannot remember the last time he told me was proud of me. Or that he liked something I was wearing. Or that I fixed a really good dinner. Or that I was beautiful naked. Or that he bragged to other people about me. Or that I was really good at something.

If I were strong, I would not care about his stamp of approval. If I were the willow, I would tell him to piss off and love me for who I am. I would parent my children the way I saw fit and I would not feel guilty about that. I would be able to feel comfortable expressing myself sexually and I would not feel like a deviant.

I would not feel like shit right now. And adrift. And lost in a sea of loneliness.

I am thankful for...

1. My husband - he has endured a lot of my shit these past few years. As much as I moan and groan, there really is nobody else I'd rather be with.

2. Healthy, happy children - They stress me out a lot, but I try to keep it all in perspective. Some folks out there would LOVE to have one kid, let alone three. I learn a lot from my children on a daily basis.

3. My own health - I have never had any major diseases, illnesses, or injuries. Good things.

OK, so those above all the staples...I mean, I HAFTA put them down, otherwise I come across as a heartless bitch. But, sincerely, let's get down to what I'm really thankful for.

4. My husband's paycheck - He contributes much more $$$ to our household than I do, and because of that, we are able to buy or do just about anything we want. And I love that he's not a dick about it, either.

5. My wardrobe - I just like it. That's all.

6. My job - I love working where I used to go to school. It verily rocks. I also love the people I work with (that would be colleagues...students not so much). Also, I'm thankful that I work at a job that requires a college degree.

7. My senses and faculties- I am thankful for this daily. The fact that I can see, hear, touch, etc. Also, I'm very grateful for the fact that I can walk...not everyone can do this. Also, I'm so glad I can read.

8. My parents - Really...shouldn't we all? Had they not fornicated in July 1974, I would not be here telling this tale. Also, I'm glad they stuck it out...there were times I thought they wouldn't make it.

9. The seasons - Nothing like dead, brown trees to make me appreciate the Wheel of the Year.

10. My writing - I am thankful that I have a good grasp of expressing myself through the English language. I also enjoy reading my own writing and feel I express myself uncommonly well. I am probably one of the best writers I know.

11. My modesty - See #10.

12. The Goddess - I feel her presence every day. I only wish I knew how to properly pay her homage.

13. Blogstream - This place has been good to me. I will also include friends here: cyber, IRL, and imaginary.

I love you all. Happy Thanksgiving.

This is a book that Brent and I are reading aloud right now. It's divided into about twelve categories, and there are about 100 things you can do or think about to make your life simpler. Of course, that is something we need, or think we need.

It's a good thing for us, because it gives us some things to talk about...some of the ideas we disagree with and some we are already doing (and thus give ourselves a little pat on the butt).

Idea #91 fell under the category of "Simple Parenting," and was a subject of much discussion (read: no fighting) between Brent and myself. It was "Set Limits for Your Parents and Other Well-Intentioned Relatives." Basically, the thought is to set reasonable parameters with your parents/grandparents/others about just how much they should buy for your kids.

It's all well and good in theory. I think in practice, it's a whole other ballgame. Brent's mom likes to shop for the kids, and I don't feel it would be right for me to say, "Joyce, we're teaching our children to live simpler, so would you please not buy them so much for Christmas this year?" For one, I don't think she would understand...she wouldn't get it. Secondly, if shopping for the kids is truly a source of pleasure for her (and it is), who am I to take that away from her?

Now, we don't have it that bad in the first place. The piles of presents at our house and my parents' house are rather small. On the other hand, at Brent's parents' house - presents jammed up under (and around) the tree and they still manage to trickle out into the living room and into other various parts of the house. Even so, that pile has whittled itself down in recent years. So, yeah, I can't complain right now - my kids aren't completely overwhelmed by Christmas presents. I guess I feel I don't need to give Joyce the "don't go overboard" shtick.

So, to wrap this up (hehehe - speaking of presents), I'm going to give you our version of Christmas Presents - Simplified. We've done this for a couple of years now, and it works out rather well.

Each child receives from us:

* One present that is EDUCATIONAL/CREATIVE (Last year, Kirby got a scrapbook kit...this might also mean books, puzzles, etc.)

* One present that they NEED or WOULD USE (This year, Spencer is getting one of those TV/Video Game rocker chairs...he would certainly use it)

* One present that they WANT (Elliot is going through a "Go Diego Go" phase...so naturally, we'll get him something along these lines. Spencer will probably get a new video game, etc.)

*One new OUTFIT. (Never have enough clothes!)

Good stuff right here for our family. Maybe for yours too.

As is evidenced by my new icon ------------------------------>

I just figured out the Gallery/Uploading Pictures thing, like, minutes ago. You all should check it out. Or don't. Like, whatever.

And, I do apologize for the heinous icon photo at right. I really do look stoned...of course, it was taken on the first day of school this last August. So, yeah, anyway, it's one of my worst photos ever, but it's the most recent.

Hey! We're not all gorgeous supermodels here!