Except, perhaps, maybe slugs serve an actual purpose.

I really have got to get myself a summer job of some kind. The last three or four (or fifteen, I've lost count) weeks, I've just totally oozed my way through existence.

I cannot look back at anything I've done recently with warm, fuzzy, ambitious feelings. I'm doing the bare minimum, just enough to keep my job at the high school and the newspaper. Other than that, I've filled my time with onerous chores, eating at various restaurants for lunch, getting on Facebook, texting, watching Investigative Discoveries on the telly, drinking some beer, going to the pool, and shuttling my children to and from their activities.

Here's what I should be doing:

1. Updating my children's scrapbooks.

2. Looking through the textbooks for the college classes I'm going to teach in the fall.

3. Repaint/remodel/redecorate various parts of my house.

4. Write more of my book.

5. Keep up on my blog.

6. Eat healthier.

And other numerous things I should be doing.

Slug. I'm going to slide myself off to bed, leaving a trail of slime behind me.

Hmmm...I wonder where that last week went?

The second full week of my summer is complete, and I am still finding the routine. The weather has not been terribly cooperative, lots of gray skies, rain, and cancelled softball games. This last week was complete chaos because Elliot went to Bible school, Kirby went to clown camp and Bible school, and Spencer went to soccer camp. Naturally, most of these started or ended at the same time, so the Mom Taxi was busy. Brent was also out of town for about half of it, so that made for some interesting times as well.

We've purchased the pool pass for the summer, and so once we get some hot, sunny weather, I will be working on my tan.

However, without a doubt, this summer looks to be shaping up to be an important one. It's common knowledge that I resigned my job earlier this year, and will be back in the building only for one class period to manage the yearbook. Then, I applied for an adjunct English professor position over at the local college (which I learned last week I got). In addition, the local newspaper has contracted me to do some writing for them.

So, instead of one full-time job, I now have three part-time jobs.

The biggest change of all will perhaps occur in my personal life. Hopefully, you will forgive me for being so cagey, but when the time is right, you'll all read about it here.

Summer! Full speed ahead!

The skies here in southeast Iowa are a light gray and the temp is at a non-balmy 63 degrees.

And yet, it is a perfect day on many counts.

1. The kids and I visited the local Farmer's Market for the first time this year. Along with an excellent variety of baked goods, the vendors were peddling mostly lettuce, spinach, radishes, and onions - typical early summer fare. (I did find tomatoes at a lone booth) To the tune of nine dollars, the following produce came to my possession.

a. a bag of spinach
b. a bag of lettuce leaves (for burgers later this week)
c. two large tomatoes
d. a plate of no-bake cookies
e. a jar of strawberry preserves

Can I have a HUZZAH for locally grown, fresh produce? HUZZAH!

2. The kids and I then did our week's groceries. How grateful I am to have the money to be able to purchase whatever foodstuffs I like.

Can I have another HUZZAH for capitalism? HUZZAH!

3. A trip to the library proved fruitful for all parties.

Can I have a HUZZAH for Andrew Carnegie and that my kids can, and like to, read? HUZZAH!

4. This week is "Art on the Square" in our town, and we stopped by for several minutes after the library. People come from all over to display their sweet artistic skills, and our downtown is filled with vendors of pictures, pottery, painting, jewelry, etc. In addition, the Chamber of Commerce sets up workshops, seminars, concerts, videos, etc. to highlight the cultural aspects of our town.

Can I have another HUZZAH for hometown culture? HUZZAH!

5. In about two hours, Kimba, Capt, and Mrs. Tiki will be gathering for a session of Dungeons and Dragons. And I think it is perfect weather - overcast, not hot, and no doubt we will have a good time playing on the screened-in porch.

Can I have a final HUZZAH for friends and screened-in porches??

HUZZAH!!!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a stolen idea, it's been done before, I KNOW!

A
- Available: only during business hours
- Age: 34
- Annoyance: intolerance
- Animal: dogs

B
- Beer: yeah!
- Birthday: April 26
- Best Friend: I s'pose I have to count my husband :)
- Body Part on opposite sex: Butt
- Best feeling in the world: Living simply and honestly
- Blind or Deaf: Deaf
- Best weather: Any weather in which I can shorts and a sweatshirt, comfortably.
- Been in Love: Sure.
- Been on stage? Just a few times.
- Believe in Magic: Yes!
- Believe in Santa: The idea of

C
- Candy: Butterfingers!
- Color: Pink
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate
- Chinese/Mexican Food: Mexican, but will eat Chinese in a pinch
- Cake or pie: Caaaaaaaaake!
- Continent to visit: Europe (again)
- Cheese: Any

D
- Day or Night: Night
- Dancing in the rain: Why not?

E
- Eyes: Brown
- Everyone's got: regrets
- Ever failed a class?: no, but came close once

F
- First thoughts waking up: What day is it?
- Food: Chocolate

G
- Greatest Fear: Living in a cage
- Goals: Be happy.
- Gum: No
- Get along with your parents?: Kinda.

H
- Hair Color: Dark brown.
- Height: 5'3"
- Happy: I try
- Holiday: I'm a sucker for Halloween and Christmas.
- How do you want to die: painless, at a ripe old age

I
- Ice Cream: Soft spot for sherbet
- Instrument: Guitar

J
- Jewelry: Necklaces! Shiny! Pretty!
- Job: A couple

K
- Kids: three
- Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing
- Keep a journal?: just a blog!!

L
- Love: is good.
- Letter: S
- Laughed so hard you cried: Usually, any D&D adventure or during second lunch period
- Milk flavor: white
- Motion sickness: When I read in the car for too long
- McD’s or BK: McDonalds - and only a Southwest Chicken Salad and a kid-sized ice cream cone

N
- Number: 13

O
- One wish: To know what I want and then do it

P
- Pepsi/Coke: Diet Coke
- Perfect Pizza: Garlic chicken - Papa Murphy's
- Piercings: Just ears!

Q
- Quail: A bird that nobody knows much about.

R
- Reason to cry: laughing!!
- Reality T.V.: Was addicted to one episode of Survivor about five years and haven't watched any since.
- Radio Station: 102.5 or 101.5
- Roll you tongue in a circle: Yes...but is a completely useless skill
- Ring size: 7ish (short pudgy fingers, thanks mom!!)

S
- Song: Currently? "Turn Up the Radio" - Autograph
- Shoe size: 8 (prefer wide)
- Salad Dressing: Light Cucumber Ranch
- Skinny dipped?: No
- Shower?: This morning before an interview
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries

T
- Tattoos?: One on left shoulder, would like one more
- Time for bed: 9-11
- Thunderstorms: Cool!

U
- Unpredictable: If people only knew...

V
- Vacation spot(s): Amalfi Coast, Italy

W
- Weakness: Chocolate candy
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Probably Kimba
- Worst feeling: Loss of control
- Wanted to be a model: Not really.
- Worst Weather?: Bitter cold

X- X-Rays: Foot, teeth, pregnant belly

Y
-Year it is now: 2009.
-Yellow: the color of sunshine and happiness

Z
- Zoo animal: Monkeys, especially when they pick bugs off of each other and eat them.

Ahhh...the beauty of summer and the extremely flexible work schedule of friends.

Yesterday, our fearless Dungeons and Dragoners met yet again for another robust, if quick, round of adventuring.

At last count, the party, along with five empty cargo ships, had arrived at the port of Gryax. Before this roleplaying adventure began, there was a bit of tentacle envy on Brent's part as he listened to Mrs. Tiki compile her giant octopus stats. In the end, he did not opt for a octopus spell himself.

The crew disembarks, all in search of various things:

*Captain Bella: owl treats (this mystery may be revealed later)
*Andromeda: sex partners (another notch(es) on her bedpost)
*Willow: orcs (because she hates them)

Naturally, the place to find all these things and more? The local tavern, of course! The good news at Gil's Grog Shack (sweet name, DM!) is that it's FIVE-COPPER GROG NIGHT! Highlights here include:

1. Andromeda befriends two handsome elven males, she buys them drinks, although they've imbibed quite a bit at this point.

2. Willow spots a half-orc in the corner. She buys grog and places herself in its general vicinity, brooding a la Strider in The Fellowship of the Ring. She will later attempt to antagonize the half-orc, to no avail.

3. Mercutio decides to rest aboard the ship, but after an hour and half is struck with wanderlust and comes into town as well. He has sent Fizz as a spyowl, though.

4. Captain Bella has purchased the owl treats and is now waiting, along with Willow, for something exciting to happen. Pretty soon, they start taking bets to combat the boredom.

Willow: I bet you a gold piece that Andromeda ends up with those two elves tonight.

Bella: You're on, except I think one of the guys will anger her, she'll ditch him, and just end up with one. (It is within the hour that Willow receives her gold piece - Andromeda indeed is escorted by both elvish gentlemen to Room Two...after a VERY obvious grope by Andromeda - even Spotted by Willow and Bella several feet away.)

Willow: (sees Mercutio enter bar) Hey, look who's here. I bet you another gold piece he does something stupid.

No response from Bella, as she probably realizes she'd lose that bet.

It gets pretty boring, standing there, so Willow and Bella decide to see if they can stir up some action. They tell Mercutio that a huge guy at the bar has been making fun of him. Naturally, Mercutio takes the bait, and before long, Mercutio has strode up to the mountain of a man and said, "Hey, what's going on?" The big oaf replies with "Having some grog."

In the midst of this interchange, however, Mercutio appears to have change of heart and decides not to pursue a brawl with the big guy. Instead, Mercutio offers the Brute a job aboard The Nightshade, much to Bella's outrage, as SHE is the captain of that particular ship and has authorized no such job opening. Sooo...the rogue in her takes over. After a brief chat with Willow, the fun begins...

She pulls Mercutio over to the side and tells him she's really sorry about the wench-overboard incident from a couple days ago, and that to make it up to him, she'd like to buy him a wench for the night. Willow has already departed to pay for a room in anticipation of the joke, and Room Three now awaits Mercutio and his "wench". Mercutio departs.

Bella then informs the Brute that, in fact, she does not have any positions available for him, and to make up for his trouble, she'd like to buy him a wench. The Brute states that he needs "stout wench" and "broken wenches no fun." Bella assents and tells the Brute the wench will meet him in Room Three.

After these exchanges, Willow and Bella race out to the back of the inn to climb the tree closest to the second-floor windows. They scramble up just in time to see the Brute enter the room. But...there's no Mercutio. What the two pranksters did not know was that Mercutio had cast Invisibility on himself. Classic. They also did not know he'd left the room already. Also, unbeknownst to the tree huggers, Mercutio had been alerted to the entire joke by Fizz the owl, who has spotted Willow and Bella. Obviously, the spyowl had been forgotten.

The Brute, however, takes no heed of this bit of weirdness, and is instead freshening himself up at the washbasin and singing a tune to himself that goes a bit like "I'm gonna have a wench." Bella and Willow feel a bit sorry for the Brute and decide to go a good deed for the day and go WENCH SHOPPING.

The wench is found, the Brute is satisfied (we guess), and Andromeda brings her sated self back to the ship in the early hours of the morning. And, again, it is time to sail away.

Within a few hours, two amazing crashes are heard at sea. Two of the cargo ships appear to be listing, as if they've been struck. The party soon discovers this is the work of two dragon turtles. Things proceed in this fashion.

1. Andromeda summons a porpoise to scout and, later, snout-butt the dragons.

2. Bella gives the orders for the ships to prepare the ballistas to fire.

3. Fizz attempts to swoop in and claw one. ("Ay, a scratch, a scratch. 'Tis enough, 'twill serve.")

4. The druid (Andromeda) dives into the water and in midair, transforms into a giant octopus.

5. One DT breathes a steam cloud over the party, which really actually does a lot of damage.

6. Andromeda/Octopussy gets bit.

7. The sorcerer fries one of the DTs with a lightning bolt.

8. Still, though, the DM plays a bit of God here and realizes we're outmatched. A small bit of number-fudging ensues.

9. The ranger (Willow) leaps into the sea, lands atop one of the DTs and begins whaling on it. The DT must have decent Intelligence, though, because the next round it submerges itself and Willow is faced with the age-old dilemma: stay on top, keep fighting, and probably drown OR let go and wait till it comes back and kick its ass some more. Naturally, she lets go.

10. Willow heaves herself on top of it again and kills it, then semi-disgusts the other party members watching back on the ship as she rummages around in the spilled guts and entrails for some shiny platinum pieces found in the shell. BOOTY!

11. The other party member dispatch the other turtle and the entire carcass is heaved aboard the ship, where the other members plunder it as well.

After those fun times, we sail on to Port Tolie! We have reached our destination! The party learns it will take three days for the loading of the iron, and so the adventurers have time to poke around. At this time, the magical leveling beam falls upon the party and they now become 9th level.

The party seems to concur that some shopping is in order. Two of the cargo ships need repairs, some of the party wishes for better armor, and some want weapon enhancement. Naturally, Andromeda is in search of sex slaves for the night.

The armory guy's name is Chaz, and it is not long before Andromeda has worked out a deal for her special mail shirt. Partner #1 has been found. The rest of the party decides to ride on her coattails and take advantage of Chaz's good humor to get some cool stuff as well. As soon as all transactions have been settled, Chaz closes up shop and hustles himself down to the tavern, where, in record time, Andromeda and he adjourn to their love den.

The next day, Willow continues to hunt for orcs, and finds a half-orc down by the harbor. She chucks a rock at him to get his attention, then blames Mercutio, who decides to settle the whole thing by liquefying the half-orc with a lightning bolt. Meanwhile, Andromeda and her lion are off in search of "nature" as they decide to roam the nearby forests. Surprisingly, she comes across a fellow druid meditating in the woods. Not surprisingly, you all probably know what's going to happen next.

Back to the puddle of half-orc goo. Out of nowhere, the dead guy's sister shows up and takes a shot at Mercutio, who has just cast Fly on himself and has taken to the air. The shot hits, Mercutio falls, and the female half-orc attempts to avenge her brother with her greataxe. Eventually, Mercutio shocking grasps her, and she dies.

Thus ends the second day of our stay in Port Tolie.